Category Archives: Humour

40 things you WISH you could say at work…

(Saw this on FB!)

40 things you WISH you could say at work…

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I, flypaper for freaks!
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office, it’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder — my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career — turns out I just wanted paychecks.
39. Sure, you came up with that idea.
40. I’d love to help you, but it’s 5:00 PM.

Why Your State Sucks – ouch!

Ouch! Talk about cutting to the quick. TIME magazine has an article “Why Your State Sucks: The Great American Map of Fail” with a map of the 50 states and one simple fact about them. The thing is, the fact is something awful about each state! Having lived in Massachusetts for 13 years, it comes as no surprise that we’re famous (notorious?) for bad drivers. And it should be no surprise to anyone that Hawaii is the most expensive place to live.

Some of them are quite ironic. California with the dirtiest air (I said ironic, not bewildering) and Utah with highest porn usage (and all those Mormons, many of whom are not even supposed to own radios or TVs!).

But Rhode Island with the most drug use? Washington and bestiality? (How do you even begin to measure that? never mind, I don’t really want to know.) Maine the dumbest? But I think the most shocking ones are tornadoes in Minnesota and ugly people in North Dakota. I can’t recall ever hearing of a tornado in Minnesota. Blizzards, yet, but tornadoes? Actually, I’ve never heard that North Dakota is brimming with ugly people either.

Here’s a link to the map directly. Maybe you’ll learn something too!